Electronic Device One-Pager

Top Electronic Device Excuses

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Here are some of the more common remarks when I attempt to confiscate an electronic device in class.

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When I Grow Up

bugatti

Students sometimes have an unrealistic view of the world and their place in it.

ALSO: I was saddened to find about the June 2 death of one of my former students, Estefania Gonzalez, in a vehicle crash. Estefania just graduated from our school and should have been starting her own bright future. My condolences to her family, and to all of those who knew her. She was a beautiful and talented young lady who will be deeply missed.

Phone Lies

phone lies

Have you ever asked a student if she has a phone and she looks directly at you with innocent eyes and lies to you? Fortunately, at this age, most of these kids aren’t very good liars. If you’re going to lie, just pick one lie and stick with it…

The Half Hug

half hug

Many teachers have a hands-off policy where they never make any kind of physical contact with a student. They believe that if they maintain this policy that nobody will ever have reason to falsely accuse them of any kind of crime. I respect this policy, but it’s not my style. I like to wake up sleeping kids by patting their arms, to give high-fives to students who do well, and when they are overcome with grief or happiness, they might attempt to hug me.

The problem is that a hug is rather intimate, and can bring up awkward situations like the correct cheek distance, appropriate squeeze strength,  or the problem of chest-brushing. My solution is the half-hug. A half-hug is not an outright rejection of a child who comes to you with open arms. It’s less uncomfortable than a full hug. It has little connotation that can be misconstrued, and a back pat adds that universal sign of platonic affection* so that there are no mixed signals involved. It also leaves a free hand for self-defense or sipping coffee.

In today’s day and age, it’s prudent to take measures of precaution: never be alone in a room with a student with a closed door, never discuss a student’s physical appearance, and if faced with a hug, a half-hug is acceptable as long as it is executed correctly (see diagram), and in public.

* If you did not know, a hand patting your back during a hug signals absolutely no romantic interest. Take note, those of you who are single. If you are dating and the date ends with a hand patting your back, it’s best to move on.

Childhood Wonder

whatever

APOLOGY: There was an error in the earlier post of today’s comic. Please excuse this second corrected post.

As students get older, it gets increasingly difficult to attract — and maintain — their attention. This is why I keep my mini-lessons under five minutes. This is also why a ten-minute YouTube video takes forever to watch, and why cooking something for two minutes in the microwave seems like an hour.

Parenting Teens

pretend you dont know me

Parenting teens must have its own special rewards. I don’t know what they could be, but it must.