Yes, I CAN tell you what to do.

Funny when students tell us what we can’t do when we are, in fact, doing it.

Who’s Driving?

Who is driving our schools today? Who is getting run over in the process?

Just Give Up

At some point, students should accept that they are going to fail.

Don’t you hate it when they won’t give up? Just accept that you have a seven percent.

No amount of extra help or extra credit is going to help two weeks before the end of the semester.

Captive Audience

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I thought I found the solution to the problem of students not doing their reading homework. I soon saw the drawbacks to this solution.

Current Events

As you read the newspaper this morning, consider what one of your students might say if you asked him or her about one of the events.

Fundraising

Who comes up with these fundraisers? Why would I buy $20 cookie dough when I can get it at the store for $2 a tube? I have an idea: instead of making money for a company, why don’t you have me do your fundraiser? I will buy a bunch of tubes of Nestle Toll House cookies and we can sell them for $10 each. The customer saves $10, I get reimbursed for $2, I keep $1 for my trouble, and I will let your group keep $7. Better yet, why don’t I just buy a box of cookies and we sell each cookie for $1? Then nobody has to cook anything.

Olympic Singles Whining

I was thinking: what sport should be added to the Olympics that my students could do well — even medal — in? If whining were an Olympic sport, high school students would dominate. Of course, I would probably qualify, too.

Good Riddance!

When you are a teacher, much of your day depends on other people’s choices. Guidance coordinators, parents, and other teachers must place and remove students from your class as they need to, so you don’t have much choice in who your students are. Some students you can’t stand are suddenly on your roll book, while others you adore disappear without warning. Often you will celebrate when a problematic student is removed from the roster, only to be replaced by one much worse. That’s teaching, though. The only thing you can do is be a source of light for all students, so they will remember you fondly. And not shank you when you turn around.

Vocabulary

I love when smart students talk to you like they’re grown-ups. They’re so cute when they try to act like adults.

You’re Stuck Here!

I offer my students a generous two emergency passes per year, one per semester. Any more than two passes is an invitation to the dark side of all manner of evil. Some teachers don’t let their students leave at all. I remind students of this when they complain about my policy.